Back At The Hotel: Waiting For the Dream to End..

Hesitantly looking at the photo album I made for her.

Throughout the rest of our first day together, I kept trying to place myself in her mind, imagining what she was thinking.  What kept coming back to me over and over, was the thought that she must be wondering when this little dream would end.  She must at some level, think "this is great...it's been fun, you all are sweet, but I'll be going back soon".

No problem taking the food we offered 

This whole afternoon, she seemed to be trying to act brave, like a big girl.  She rejected the bottle, the sippy cup, and the little baby spoon.  Instead, watched Lydia very intently and tried to imitate everything she did.  She watched Lydia eating with a fork and reached out for the utensils rather than the little plastic spoon.  As they colored, if Lydia used tiny markings, so did she. If Lydia used large sweeping strokes, so did she.  She took every cracker and treat we offered, and ate dinner like a large horse!  She seemed so very intent on pleasing us and going with everything we did (I wonder if the nanny told her to do that?)

Our guide advised us to just hang out the rest of the day, but as I'm not one who likes to do what I'm told, I just couldn't sit around, so we walked to a nearby park (nearly risking our lives at all intersections and even in the parking lot).  Pedestrians are definitely brave here, because they certainly don't have any kind of right-of-way...in fact, I don't think anyone does.  It seems like a free-for-all to me.  Even if you have little ones walking beside you, silent electric scooters whiz right by them on the sidewalk by the dozens.  We decided the safest option was to cross the street when a group does...walking across with a posse of slow old men seems like a good bet to me!  The park was nice and she toddled along so sweetly with her new little tiger....she grabs him tightly by the arm and totes him along with him dragging by her side...it is the sweetest thing ever!

Poor little thing was so dirty.  Bath right away!  She wasn't happy, but it was so needed...there was visible dirt in the tub after we were done scrubbing her. 

The warmest, gentlest, most thorough bath she's ever had, I'm sure

Surrounded by all her toys...she LOVED the plastic bracelets and knew exactly how to slip them on.  Yay! Definitely my girl..she loves jewelry!

Napping with Momma

Not sure that she has ever been touched or held by a man before and sadly, this is how she feels about Daddy right now...afraid :( 

Sweetest thing!  This is what we picked for her to wear today....after returning from the park, I removed her little jacket, hat, and bunny boots.  She looked longingly at them, I think wondering if she would get them back.  I just can't imagine how it would feel to have no personal possessions.

Going to the park!  Dragging along her little tiger.  She's so smart...if she accidentally dropped him along the way, she would tug my hand and point back, letting me know something was amiss...sweet, smart girl.

fish tanks at the park

Daddy's Girls...She let me step away just long enough to snap the pic.  If I'm not near, her little face will scrunch up and she lets out the saddest cry you've ever heard.  In the hotel room, she will also plop down on her bottom and puff her little lip out if J or Lydia try to get too close.  Hope that she lets them in soon

Inside the "bamboo forest"

Coloring with sister

Is that for me?  Gotcha Day cakes

As a Gotcha Day treat, we ate in a restaurant with a glass floor where water and little goldfish rippled by underneath.  It was fun for the girls to watch....again it looked like the waiters were doing "rock, paper, scissors" to see who had to serve us and use their attempts at English.  I felt sorry for the loser of that game...we actually saw his friends watching him, laughing, from around the corner as he struggled to understand us.  Even our little requests written in Chinese by our guide were confusing to him.   Instead of just bringing what we pointed to, he thought he needed to bring everything on our little cheat sheet.  It was hard to tell him differently...poor young man! 

Afterwards, we splurged at the hotel bakery for some pretty pastries for the girls to share a Gotcha cake (well, also for Daddy...he wanted some yummy-looking chocolate confection too).  

In all, a wonderful, overwhelming, and emotional day.  Vivian is doing great!  She is so afraid of the western potty, but we'll get it figured out.  Also, she won't drink anything I offer, from any kind of container.  Again, I'll figure it out.  I know she feels that is one of the things she can control at this time, so turns her head away. So be it...have some control little missy....it's been a long time coming.  Now, you get to make some little decisions in your life. Choices are fun!  

As she fell asleep tonight, I wondered what she will dream about.  Whatever it is, when she wakes up, I hope she knows that this is no dream; it is her new life! 

I feel badly that I didn't get to send her a birthday cake to the orphanage in April.  I could have hired someone here to do it, but because we are advised not to, I didn't.  For once, I followed the rules, and I regret it.  I have seen family pics of other little ones in the orphanage, even with my baby standing nearby....probably wondering why she didn't have a special cake.  Here is your first cake little one....the first of many!  Strawberry cream cake..yum!

A New World

(...Gotcha continued)

Walking into the hotel lobby

It is somewhat difficult to comprehend going from no-star to 5-star in a matter of minutes.  But this is exactly what happens for these little ones and it is so hard for us to understand how their world is rocked and turned upside down.  Really, when you think about it, they must be mostly content and satisfied with their little routine and meager living in the orphanage because that is all they know.  They know nothing about clean, crisp sheets, fluffy duvets, buffet meals, lounging in a hot bubble bath, and toys that you don't have to share.  They are happy, because they have no comparison...it is all relative to their experiences.

However, I do know that this idea is only true for their physical surroundings, daily routines and early caregiver relationships.  Deep down in their souls, there must be some little feeling that something is missing...that it is incomplete, that they are lacking at their heart level, lonely and scared, but of course never being able to pinpoint it with their little minds.  Don't we all have that at times? When we know something about our life is not going right?  Something deep inside you that is stirring...a yearning and searching for that something that will make you feel complete?  I am confident they have this going on in their soul, a searching for love, for belonging, for consistent people in their life.

Also at nearly 4 years old, Vivian has watched many little friends go away, never coming back.  She must know, at some level, that there is something beyond that gate...something that is different.

Our guide, who also worked in an orphanage in the past, told us that once the children are matched with a family, the caregivers begin to treat them differently...talk to them differently, tell them things, talk about Mama and Baba (Daddy), are a little nicer to them, etc.  I found this so fascinating (and frustrating)...that somehow having a loving family out there would get you treated with more respect, more encouragement, more hope.  Wouldn't it seem that the opposite should be true...that the ones that will never have a family coming, would be the ones who would need more loving care?  Or better yet, that all children, no matter what they look like, behave like, or their situation, would get loved and talked to in the same way?  I really don't get why we humans treat each other this way...valuing some over others.  It is so hard for me to comprehend, even though I know this phenomenon is a fact.





Vivian has never known what she experienced today and it was so fun watching her take in everything...from the marble columns and chandeliers in the hotel as she walked through the revolving door, to her own little bath toys, to the pretty little bag that holds her snacks, to walking through the park.  She took it all in, with serious eyes of wonder.

Gotcha Day!

A gray smog floated over the city this morning, reminding me of the dreariness of living in an orphanage and having no family.  With no sunshine in sight, I decided to make my own by taking in as much positive thoughts and joy as I could.  One positive, we didn't oversleep.  Two, our guide is excellent.  Three, Lydia is happy and content to do whatever we need to accomplish.  Four, my hair dryer works.

And five, today there is one less orphan in the world!  The perfect joyful thoughts to cut through the murky smog.

At breakfast today, it was discovered that there are several other families here meeting their children today as well.  Because Zhengzhou is the capital of Henan province, most all of the nearby orphanages bring the children here to meet parents and complete the initial adoption process steps.  This is very different than when we got Lydia, where we were the only family and we met her in the orphanage.  I already knew that things would look way different, but was not really prepared for the chaos that we met at the Civil Affairs Office.

Others families left the hotel earlier than we were appointed to meet Vivian, so I initially thought that they must strategically stagger the meeting times so that it would be more controlled.  I also thought I read, "you will be taken to a private area where you will meet your child"  I'm SURE I read that...but that is far from what happened...

I had requested to hire a videographer for the morning to document the Gotcha moment and to make a keepsake DVD.  Lydia just loves hers; it is a priceless item at this point and also allowed us to fully enjoy the moment without fretting about getting everything recorded.  Two young men were with us throughout the drive to the gov't office and also came back to the room with us...they have a video production company and supposedly produce commercials, etc., so we'll see!  Hopefully it won't be cheesy.  It was clear from the get go that they had never witnessed anything like this and were truly touched by what they saw of all the children and eager parents-to-be.  All of our children this morning have some sort of special need, so I believe that their hearts were tugged.

When we arrived, it was a huge sterile white room full of people.  Several families already had their child and were completing paperwork. Others were milling around watching everyone, waiting for their child to arrive.  The children are driven in from all over the province, so some were traveling pretty far.  Vivian came from Luoyang, which is a 2.5 hour car drive.

We found ourselves waiting for her arrival.  With each van that pulled up, people would eagerly look out to see whose child it was.  I really don't like being a spectacle and soon realized that all of these complete strangers were going to be taking part in our special moment.  For me personally, that was a little disheartening.  It was hard enough being filmed by a professional crew, but to have everyone else watching me was kind of freaky....like giving birth in front of a room full of people...okay, maybe not that extreme, but still.  I don't like sharing intense emotions with onlooking strangers.

However, when that moment came and our guide excitedly announced, "It's her!  She's here!" I didn't really care who was there.  I was in awe watching her little self climb out of the big van, in a tattered little outfit, clinging to her nanny's hand.  She looked so tiny walking up those steps.  She stared straight into my eyes as they walked to towards me and I just could not imagine what was going through her mind.  Would she scream when I took her? would she act oblivious?

Jason was taking pics and I knelt down to pick her up.  She let me and watched my face intently.  As I squeezed and loved on her, she was totally fine, and I thought "wow, that was easy, this is going pretty well"  We knelt down together to meet Lydia and to talk to her.  She was fine..until Lydia picked up her hand to hold it...she looked around for nanny...nanny was not nearby....then it hit her what was happening.  She made a huge scrunched up sad face, which turned into a piercing wail, which turned into flailing, kicking and screaming bloody murder....crap!  not going as well as I thought....

In my work, I am often faced with flailing little people and this seemed no different.  I was determined to hold her tight and close me and make her experience it, no matter how ugly or painful (i.e. rather than facing her away from me so that she couldn't see me, etc...I made her stay in my arms until she realized I was all she had to cling to).  My main concern was not the fit of terror, but that she was going to fling her head back and bang in on the wall or the concrete floor.  Offers of suckers were tossed down.  Nanny scolded her and told her to stop crying (I think) and offered her a package of cake (which was promptly flung across the room).  Well meaning van drivers pushed pieces of wrapped candy in my face, hoping that it would make her content.  I hated to tell them that a little sugar was not going to ease that fear and rescue her from the pain she was feeling.  

It was a very long 15 minutes.  I can take little ones screaming in my face, trying to bail out of my arms, even kicking me and trying to hit me, but the most heart-wrenching thing I have ever experienced, was when she screeched out "Ayi! Ayi!" (or Nanny! Nanny!), realizing that the woman who she trusted deeply was walking out the door and leaving her with me. It was quite chilling and I truly felt like I was responsible for her heart-break and had no way possible to make it better.  She didn't know it at the time, but I did...that she would never see that woman she had grown to love again. And the more challenging thing that I knew...that I would have to replace that woman by earning her trust and finding some way to make her realize that I would never, ever ditch her....

Poor Vivian!  Looks kind of like a smile, but that is crying

Finally, the officials could take no more and rushed us through the adoption decree photo; I signed papers while semi-restraining her in my arms and we bailed as fast as we could!  

As I walked down the steep stone steps outside the building, I felt the reward....her arms wrapped around me so tightly, hanging on for dear life.  We were carting her away, and she realized that I was somehow her comfort.  What a relief....so thankful it ended up that way.  She was immediately quiet and rode in stone-faced silence back to hotel. She is so gentle and sweet....so far :)

What an emotionally draining morning...the rest of our day was much happier (even though she won't let Jason or Lydia touch her) Poor Jason is not one to put himself in the middle of trauma-induced meltdowns...I think he was content to be behind the camera lens (to be continued...) 

Night Before Gotcha

Tonight is the last night of having one little girl.  Tomorrow, there will be two and it is such a wonderful thought.  After bringing Lydia home, I never imagined that we would be able to do this again, but here we are.  I'm so happy for Lydia to have a sister and for Vivian to have a home.










Earlier today we met our guide for the week and she brought a sweet little book of updated photos and her daily schedule, etc.  Tomorrow she will be in our arms...the wait has finally ended.









Tonight we went out to explore the hotel a little.  Found a "bamboo forest" in the the courtyard, the pool and weight room, and then went to eat.

























The poor waiter at the restaurant!  He was happy to see us (to be able to interact with Americans) until he realized that his English wasn't as great as he thought!  What a stress out for him!  After I realized I was off the hotel Wifi network and the translation app on my phone wouldn't work, it took drawing pictures to get Jason a fork and pantomime to get Lydia some dumplings...universal communication strategies, I guess.  I think that poor guy was ready to see us leave :)

Tomorrow we have a new little girl!  Jet lag is gone, but think I won't be able to sleep one bit...

Breakfast & Missouri Football!

As we turned on the tv this a.m, we were pleasantly surprised (shocked is more like it) to find our own KC Chief's playoff game against the Colts on a network here in Zhengzhou!  Crazy!  So, while we got ready to head out for breakfast, I had to hear ranting on how they were blowing such a great lead...then a little more browsing and we found a taped version of yesterday's Mizzou game...again, totally crazy!!!!  What are our Chiefs and Tigers doing in the middle of China?!  The Chinese sports announcers sounded just as excited and frantic at each dramatic play...just like home...now off to eat some noodles, dumplings, and dragon fruit

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Sleepy Sunday In Zhengzhou

Today really IS a day of rest for us.  We got in to the hotel at midnight last night, and were definitely ready for bed.  Our flights were through LA, so rather than flying north and over the North Pole (like we've done in the past leaving from Chicago or New York), this time we went up the west coast, by Alaska and down through Russia. Due to staying up all night packing before we left, I was able to sleep during our flights (trying to get myself on China time), but even then my sleep wasn't that great from a huge caffeine deprivation/sinus headache.  So, by the time we got to the hotel, I was totally ready to sleep and woke up ready to go!  I can't say the same for Jason and Lydia....they slept too soundly and too long during the flights, so had a more fitful sleep.  We could hardly get Lydia to stay awake during breakfast.  Poor girl...and her tummy hurt because she was so hungry.







So happy to be here!  A few thoughts from yesterday's travel:

A few times, it just seemed unreal to me that soon I would have Vivian.  I walked (sleep deprived) through LAX on the verge of tears several times...wondering if I would make it through the trip, feeling overwhelmed already with the anxiety of each step (and we weren't even out of the US!), and also such huge waves of emotion thinking of Vivian and how close we were getting to her.  Throughout this 14-15 month wait, I had not been able to securely envision her in my mind, with life being so crazy, the end seeming so far away, and needing to focus so much on the little people that were already in my life (in person).  But suddenly, driving to the KC airport and walking around in LA, I could picture her sweet face and feel her energy in my soul. It was like some wall broke away and I could envision her as mine...(even though I thought I had done this before, the feeling was quite different) I could actually imagine her in action thoughts rather than just through a 2-D image like a photograph. It made me so relieved and happy (that she was finally imprinted in my brain) and also a feeling of bonding to her in a way that I hadn't been before.

Also, watching Lydia while she traveled was so endearing.  She was so nervous, scared, and wanting to do everything right.  At take-off during the first flight, I watched out of the corner of my eyes as she covered her pet zebras little eyes with his paws.  So scared, but she braved it all so gracefully!  As we went through security in the US, as she greeted flight attendants in Mandarin, and braved being eyeballed through customs in China, she seemed so grown up!  It made my heart sad that they have to grow up, but also very happy that she is growing into such a sweet little lady who will be such a great older sister.

Pre-Travel Woes

Ready to leave KC!  Wait, did we remember Mommy? Is she still in the shower?

Well, we are already faced with a few dilemmas and we haven't even departed from our house!

As I frantically scurried around today, prepping my house for the grandparents to come and leaving the boys well-equipped with all of their necessities, making last minute purchases, giving haircuts, washing up every single bit of laundry, completing our banking transactions and bill paying for the next 3 weeks, I decided to go out and visit my horse.

The big guy has been a little neglected by us for the past few weeks and I just had to see him before we left. Lydia and I took out a big bag of apples and some molasses treats for him and his friends.  Beau was so glad to see  us!  Can't wait for spring when we can ride again...Vivian will love him (hopefully!)  It was a great visit and we were also able to say good-bye to our dear friends and horse buddies.

As I drove home to pick up a Z-pack (oncoming sinus infection!), dilemma #1 one surfaced.  I called Jason to request the hundredth errand/favor for the day...call and confirm the flights.  I had already checked this a.m. and all was well, but we wanted to do e-check in.  After 45 minutes of waiting in the CVS line, anxiety began to creep in...we still hadn't really packed and were leaving in 12 hours!  Everything was sort of set out and waiting, but I had not yet placed things in bags or arranged things strategically.  My new carefree way of thinking was coming back to bite me...I pushed down the anxiety as we left the huge pharmacy line, thinking all was going to be fine.  However, as I drove, Jason called....his announcement came through the ceiling of the SUV like a heavy brick...our flights had been cancelled!

We already gets lots of staring...they are intrigued not only to see Westerners, but trying to figure our how we have a Chinese child!  Lydia is such a GREAT traveler...so thoughtful and kind-hearted.
As we stopped at the first squat potty in the Beijing airport, she said "Wow, Mommy traveling is so much work!  Thank you for bringing me to China" sweet, sweet girl.

I have become pretty savvy at springing into action when faced with calamity...but being trapped in the CVS parking lot with these words coming through BlueTooth made me lose it!  I believe I blurted out something really freakish and began to panic a little as I traveled the two blocks home.  That little drive was all it took, to get my mental gears turning....what to do?

Thankfully, we booked with the sweetest, most diligent travel agent I have ever met.  She is so calm, kind, and eager to get people going AND understands adoption trips. Once your trip is mapped out, there is not a whole lot of room for messed up travel plans...which would mean missing connecting flights in China, then delays in meeting up with your child, processing paperwork, etc.  

Keeping busy in the Beijing airport waiting to transfer to Zhengzhou

I ended the panic with a plan, but at 5:30 on a Thursday, it was questionable.  Thankfully our agent, Sue, was still in her office!  She was surprised that our flight out of Chicago was cancelled because she had no alerts, but sure enough, she checked her system and those flights were gone. She set to work scouring for new options that would get us to our connection in Beijing....in the meantime...G'ma and G'pa arrived to get the boys situated.  Yay!  We had already planned to catch a little dinner out together before our flight.  As we headed out to Longhorn at 6:00 pm, Sue called back, "Well, I think I've found something, are you packed?"  I replied, "Ummm, how packed?  Do you mean stuff planned out/checking off the list or bags in the car?"  She said, "Hmm, bags in the car...we could get you out of KC tonight at 8:15 but you would need to hurry"  Say WHAT?!  Holy cow, leave in 2 hours!??  Well, that seriously wasn't happening (as we were walking out the door to share steaks, suitcases were still empty, I still needed to compile a schedule/notebook for G'ma, and print out/copy documents)....blah, stress settling in.

Thankfully Sue didn't shame me, and thankfully she set to work once again doing magic with the flight system reservations.  The problem was that now all people booted off were trying to get other flights and also were trying to avoid bad weather in the northeast.  She feared that we might not get in until Sunday (which would mean no travel recovery day and meeting Vivian the very next morning).....nearing panic mode.

I managed to calm myself.  My new mantra "it will all work out" was quickly spiraling through my head.....set to playback loop mode. Over and over, "it all works out" "everything works out" "shift your thinking and experience the solutions"

Doing some stretching after the 12+ hours of flying!

Steaks delivered, Sue provided the remedy...flights found and diverted from bad weather.  Leaving a bit earlier in the a.m. and a few more stops in the US, but avoiding the snow and getting us to Beijing in time to make our connection to Vivian's province.  Hallelujah!   The rest of dinner, was eaten in peace....then off to tackle those bags....flying out in less than 12 hours!

Dilemma #2...packing was a little more challenging than I remember!  I have traveled to China twice, once to get baby Lydia, and again with 3 of the kids.  We must have tossed out a few suitcases since then, because as I went to pack the bag situation was ridiculous.  There was no way things were going to fit into the bags we had AND I needed to do some serious purging of non-essential stuff!  Blah, again!!

The clock ticked, the hours passed, 1 a.m. and after a trip to the store to buy another suitcase (!) the bags were packed, weighed, purged, weighed again, items shifted around, etc. Finally by 2 am. it was done, Jason had vanished (sleeping) and I set to work typing out instructions for my parents of the boys' 2 upcoming weeks.  Panic settling in again and procrastination bug biting me in the butt!  We were to leave in 1.5 hours and I still had docs to copy and to get myself ready for the long 30 hours of travel....BLAH!!

Somehow, in some way, everything DOES in fact work out....I do my very best work in panic mode..the adrenaline push is most effective for my best work.  We made it out of the house at 3:30 a.m. and off to the airport...to my knowledge I have not forgotten a thing and have every single thing I need for this trip!

3 hour layover in Beijing...writing in her journal

Well...everything except getting to wash my hair.....at the very last moment, I had 15 minutes to shower, dress, prep Lydia, and get out the door....quick decision, speedy shower, fluff the hair with powder and hair spray and hope that I will survive without looking like a stringy haired hippie girl when I arrive in China.  I do recall that happens anyway, so why waste the effort and I was seriously pushing it.  Jason was starting to pace the kitchen with a stomach-ache.  Poor guy....I really do cause him a lot of grief with my haphazard ways :)



In the end...it ALL worked out and we made our flight.  Happy travels...next stop China....one step closer to our little one.

Finally!  After nearly 30 hours of travel, we are at the hotel at midnight...hope to sleep in!

Crisis Averted!!

Thanks to a little Google action, found out that I needed a VPN (Virtual Private Network) to by-pass the China firewall.  AND, thanks to Sprint and my hubby's work computer, we are in blogging business!  What a relief...it would have been a pain to try and do this through a family member, and format from the mobile phone posting was not good either.  Yay...updates to come!  We are here and have fun pics/words to share.

Blogging Crisis

Beyond frustrated....my old Blogspot from '07 is now blocked in China! Working on a way to overcome this. Most likely will email my posts and my sister will post for me. Until then, please know that I can see your comments in my email...what an encouragement...Thank you! But they will not appear on the page until they are "accepted" which i cannot do from here either. Hoping to get it fixed/figured out soon. Now trying to post from my phone...will it work? We are safe and sound in Zhengzhou and resting, preparing to meet the little one tomorrow, yay! and nervous!

Packing Up!

Hmmm, what needs to go in the backpack?

Lydia is helping pack her sister's toys and getting her little backpack ready.  Her greatest dilemma of the moment...which dolly to take?  She better decide soon...we are down to 2, but they are still naked because she can't decide what clothes to take for them.  She is definitely my daughter...decisions, decisions...let's just take all of it!  

 During the last adoption trip, a had a 2 page packing list and checked it a zillion times.  This time, as long as we have Vivian's documents, a little cash, our meds and favorite toiletries, I am unconcerned what makes it into the suitcase.  What a change of thinking since '07....minimalist this time!  I say that now, but Jason is already eyeballing my piles of stuff and sharing his opinions about how many bags that is going to take...boo! Maybe minimalism is relative?

A Little Girl Makes Five

The first pic I saw of Vivian...I fell in love with her quiet, sweet spirit.  Oct, 2012

For the past 14 months, I have been able to say "I have 5 kids"!  I find that statement very shocking and scary, but also quite exciting and humbling.  Children are such a gift and I do not feel worthy to have this gift five times over.  I never imagined that we would be on the journey of adoption again, but here we are!  

Over the past months, we have waited (impatiently) for the arrival of our fifth child.  The entire time, I should have been putting the process into journal form.  But along with this process has been so much heartache, struggle, and frustration that I just did not want to put out into words.  I believe that words are energy and putting negative words out there draws negativity all around you.  If you want to attract positive things into your life, one must be willing and intent to see the world in a positive way, and put out loving and kind thoughts/words.  This has been such a challenge for me in 2013.  But, I have purposed to work on transforming my mind into more positive thinking patterns and surround myself with a higher energy.  This is SUPER hard, but what I have found to be most helpful, is to avoid as much negativity as possible.  With that in mind....because much of this adoption process has been one frustration and struggle after another, I could not bear to write such negativity into this blog and put that out into the minds of others that read it.  

One of the first pics we saw of Vivian, Oct 2012

So, here is a post of the wonderful loving outcome that has resulted from this struggle....that a little girl will no longer be an orphan, that she will no longer suffer loneliness and have an empty Mommy-hole in her heart, that she will receive the medical care that she needs to thrive, and that she will be given the ideas and tools she needs to fulfill her life purpose.  For me, it means...that a Mommy is able to give her daughter a little sister to love, that she can give her kids an example of how to love and take care of people, and that she sees in her husband a man who is willing to do things that are way outside of his comfort zone just because he loves her.  

Vivian playing with her friends, March 2013

Now begins the chronicle of the positives that have now arrived...

Miss Vivian Gwen Caifang 

will be in my arms one week from tomorrow!  

This little one captured my heart over a year ago, and finally we are able to bring her home.  The wait has been long; knowing that your child is somewhere on the other side of the Earth without your guidance and protection is so difficult.  But, just like the last adoption, I am forced to rely on divine trust and faith.  When in this position, that's really all you have to keep from being sad all the time. One more week...God, keep her safe and strong until we get there...prepare her heart for the trauma of being pulled from her familiar surroundings...fill me with patience and love to help heal her heart.  Most of all, help her to love me and to accept my love....it seems such a simple thing, but for a 3 year-old orphan, it is often a scary painful journey.

July, 2013

Getting Techie

Posting from the phone! Great for our upcoming trip to bring home sweet Vivian.  I haven't updated the blog in nearly 2 years.  I guess it's time to get life chronicled again.  Hoping to rid myself of the anxiety and pressure to post things consistently, and instead just enjoy the writing process.