A Dog Tale (kind of)

I know it can be absolutely dreadful to read about other peoples’ pets. Constantly making animals the topic of your material can be boring and totally unbearable for the reader; however, my pet is exactly what has prompted me to write today. So, in my attempt to be interesting, I will try to write from the human perspective, with Katie as a prop (a huge prop, by the way).

A few nights ago, I was rescued from boredom and the overwhelmed-ness of kids by Jason’s suggestion to go for a walk. Not just any walk though, but “The First Walk of Spring!” I rarely walk in the winter months because my hands and toes can’t tolerate it (old lady-ish, I know). But, the snow has entirely melted, the birds are singing, and one only needs a light fleece to be comfortable...the perfect evening. I will also add, that on that day, we were making huge efforts to keep Katie’s ears up….it seems that the outdoors (specifically, sunshine) really keeps her droopy ear up (with all of the nature to listen for, etc). So, Jason’s suggestion was not entirely focused on keeping me alive via good health habits, he was mainly hoping to get Katie some good exercise and interest her ears in staying pointy.

Nevertheless, I anticipated the rare solitary moment to think and reflect (that’s what I do on walks, by the way… solve problems and dream). I geared up with my UnderArmor gloves, choke chain with reflective leash, and music…that’s where I hit a snafu. Despite what you might suspect, I can think best if my auditory system is occupied by melodies, harmonies, and lyrics… extraneous, abrupt noises of the neighborhood distract me. If nature were my only companion, that might be fine; but, the sounds of cars, power tools, and people milling about, robs me of the solitude that I’m seeking. Music cancels it out.

You would think that the music wouldn’t be the problem in going for a walk. Finding your shoes or collecting the dog, maybe; but not scrounging some tunes. Alas, the “adult” MP3 (i.e. Jason’s) had a run-down battery. My next option was to borrow Sam’s. Now, I’m not that techie with these new devices. I spent about 15 minutes trying to upload some of my songs and thought that I had them.

So, Katie and I started out….walking her is no small feat…it is like a whole body workout, for sure. Eighty pounds of mass pulling you down the sidewalk, while you are trying earnestly to teach her some walking manners (makes for nice sore calves and quads). That alone sapped some of my joy. She expects to begin with a full run (and her “run” is like my sprint)….poor girl has to slow to a crawl so that my small stride can keep up with her. In order to make her heel, I have to wrap the leash around my wrist three times, then wrap it under my elbow and hold it tight with the other hand (creates nice bulging forearms and biceps, though…and I think even some lower back soreness, as it tweaks the muscles connecting the lumbar vertebrae). This walking posture is definitely not ergonomic, for sure!

Dog and I finally got in a groove after the first block. Then I set my attention on the iPod….why was I only hearing an elderly woman reading “A Wrinkle In Time”? Where were my songs!? Books on Tape were not going to get me through this walk. While de-tangling myself from the leash and keeping the dog from dragging me into mailboxes and stop signs, I began frantically pushing the ‘advance’ button…only to find that my songs were nowhere! Two choices (three actually): go home, continue and listen to 10 year-old selections, or continue and listen to environmental sounds. Not wanting to disappoint the dog, nor return to my abode, I chose Sam’s iPod. Katie and I proceeded to trudge along to: The City of Prague Philharmonic (Star Wars theme songs), Camille Saint Saëns (gloomy-suspense type classical), Haydn’s Symphony Nos. 94 and 101, and (lastly and strangely) Pink Floyd (per Jason). Pink Floyd is so creepy in several different ways (definitely not exercising music).

I was beside myself that these were my options, but then realized that Saint Saëns and Star Wars songs can be a nice backdrop for pondering AND walking. The suspenseful parts were a bit creepy as I strolled along in the dark….I kept feeling that I was waiting for something climactic to happen! But, my trusty guard dog soon fell into place beside me, keeping stride with our action-packed classical tempo (I’m sure there’s some musical term for that). She has proven herself to be a good walking companion…she doesn’t talk to me or interrupt my thoughts, she watches out for weirdos, and she doesn’t mind the music ;)

The Wizard of Caponium

The sky was an icy blue, with honey-colored sunbeams dripping through the clouds, as we visited the Land of Caponium.  Here Jack was on the search for the wizard (a.k.a. Dr. Capone) to magically fix his eyes and allow him to return home.  The search was long and Jack met several interesting characters along the way.  Many provided a distraction from boredom, but none could lead us to the elusive Wizard of Caponium....he could not be found for several long hours.  

In his travels, Jack used his trusty blue bubble hat ("the prophetic hat," as he called it) to give him special powers.  With his hat attached to his bum, Jack trudged through the vine-encrusted jungle, floated through thick puffy green clouds, battled a wacky iguana, and outsmarted a tricky elephant.  Finally, Jack met two fair maidens who knew the way to the wizard.  In order to reach the wizard, however, the boy Jack must release all communication with his parents and fall into a deep sleep....there he will meet The Wizard of Caponium, who will grant his wish--to eliminate the pars planitis.  Only the wizard knows the magical spell to conquer the gunk with cryo-surgery.  Jack is brave and strong!  He is confident that the wizard is the one to help him.  He places the prophetic hat upon his head, kisses his mother, and floats away on the bed with wheels to breathe the strawberry gas that will transport him out of the Land of Caponium!

This is the story that I created to help ease Jack's worries and pass the time while he waited to be wheeled back to surgery.  I made the story hilariously funny (including boy humor and sound effects) without caring who heard me or thought I was a crazy mom.  It worked...Jack was laughing so hard that he almost fell off the rack and I think for a moment, he forgot about why we were there.  Laughter about totally ridiculous, unrealistic scenes (and little boy funnys) swept us away from the sadness and uncertainty of the situation.

The end result...the eye drops we've been using the past 4 weeks have helped.  Some of the junk in there has settled (Dr. used the analogy of a snowglobe, that had previously been shaken and was now settled).  However, cryo-surgery was still needed because the steroid drops can't be continued much longer without different types of issues forming.  He used a cryo-probe that is pressed against the lower white surface of the eye (where the snowdrift is) and freezes the eye within, making sort of "ice balls" around the gunk.

Jack woke up well, with his lower eyelids seriously puffy and he again looked so pathetic.  The eyelids were numbed to prevent pain, so then he couldn't open them at all.  We were in recovery for a long time, because he had an anesthesia headache for quite a while and slept and slept. 

One of the most sad things I've seen in my Mommy-life so far.. the falling of a blood-stained tear from my little boy's unopened eyes.  

Tonight he is back to his normal self, has his appetite back ("No Mom, the adult menu please.  The kid menu is not an option").  We have to lead him around like he is blind.  Also, he is a bit worried that other people "think something's wrong with him."  The eyeballs are so swollen (and bloody) that he really can't open them that well, and it's not a pretty sight!  He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and almost gagged : (

Soon the eyes will heal, though.  Our trip to The Land of Caponium was a success....eyedrops will continue for several more weeks and then we hope for uneventful health.  It was not comforting when the anesthesiologist inquired if he has an autoimmune disorder, and then proceeded to educate his resident that this type of case is usually accompanied by that....I shrugged and had a lame explanation of "unknown."  The look on his face told me that maybe he knew something I didn't.  But I can't worry about it now.  Dr. Capone said there are no tests for finding out that kind of thing and really no treatment either.  So, I guess you just live your life and pray that Jack will avoid those diseases.  Only the ulitmate Healer knows the answers to those questions...no wizards, no magical lands, just real life....Jack is tough and we are ready.  Thanks to God for a successful trip and for providing the answers we needed to intervene with this eye disease.

Spring Break in Detroit

The sun is shining and school is out for the week; but no waves, no sand, no palm trees for us. Spring Break for Jack is the Motor City....except the only excitement for him will be the Detroit airport and Beaumont Hospital :(

Beware the Jabberwocky

His bright green eyes look at her sadly, his head tilted to the side in thought,

"You were much muchier, " he says, "you've lost your muchness."

Alice looks at him, puzzled; either wondering what his poetic language is referring to, or actually pondering where she lost her muchness. In this scene, the Mad Hatter tried to remind Alice of who she used to be, when she had high hopes, aspirations...when she was driven by her strength. Sadly, he realizes that she doesn't remember him or the laughs they had once shared. Now, when she visits Wonderland again, she has forgotten herself. She is uncertain of who she is....Is she even the right Alice? Her muchness has been swallowed up by what others want her to be....her strength has been sapped by trying to please others.

In Wonderland, nothing is impossible, most things are shocking, and the weird is strangely a comfort and there to help you. And in the end, Alice re-discovers who she is....her "muchness" returns and she slays the enemy (Jabberwocky).

I'll bet you can guess what movie we just enjoyed? The new Alice in Wonderland was wonderful; a nice extension of Lewis Carroll's superb literary accomplishment, portraying an older and wiser Alice, yet an Alice that is still looking to find who she is. She has lost her spunk and self-confidence.....but discovers herself amidst the confusion and struggle.

I love this conquering girl, and Mad Hatter's freaky dedication and confidence in his friend. I sat there strangely relating to Alice. She represents that part in all of us, that is struggling to be free from the confines of conformity. I think I used to be "much muchier" than I am now, feeling lost in strangeness...waiting for my "muchness" to return, without having to tumble down a rabbit-hole or slay a dragon ;)

Tossing Around Thoughts...Jack and Pars Planitis

I always know that I shouldn't browse around the web for medical details; however, the vast knowledge out there is just so irresistible. I can't help it! Jack's eye problem has not miraculously vanished. We continue to put in 6 drops a day (with the help of our wonderful 1st grade teacher) and we fly to Detroit next week to have his surgery done (cryopexy, I believe). It is not better, I can tell. Just over the weekend, Sam was marveling at an Apache helicopter flying through the sky..."Wow, look at those guns Jack!" Jack.."where?! I don't see it!" Aww...it was right up there in plain view, but he just saw blue sky.

So, despite my best efforts to remain optimistic and avoid any unnecessary stress, I have been researching the pars planitis....as I suspected, the digging around has opened up a whole new world of strange ideas. I'm not really a "worrier" about this kind of stuff. I truly believe that "whatever is, is..." BUT I do like to be prepared for any freakishness, just in case the dreadful events in life, do in fact, happen to me. Here's a link that explains the most recent thinking on treatment for Jack's eye condition (if interested).

MERSI Ocular Immunology and Uveitis Foundation Medical Professionals Articles Case Reports


What continues to bother me, though is the frequent mention of systemic disease that is often associated with this eye condition. MS and sarcoidosis are the most common and those don't sound very nice for my 7 year old :(

Do I worry? Not really, I guess. I just get over-irritable about the petty things in life that other people present to me each day. When dealing with stressful moments in life like this, it makes trivial decisions such as "paper or plastic" so much more maddening! I want to grab the smiley girl by the collar and holler, "Who cares!? I'm just trying to keep my head on straight! Just put my food in a bag....any bag!" Or how about a student, who wants to debate a couple of missed points on a quiz...."Two points?! You must be kidding me...life is so much bigger than that!" I want to yell. But, I don't. In fact, I don't consciously think about these daily frustrations and my current struggles all too often. These thoughts are really in my subconscious all throughout the day, I guess...just floating around. And then it occasionally just bubbles up (after I search another Harvard Med School website, I suspect), and an innocent question from the grocery gal leaves me wanting to freak out!

Do I sound irritable? Maybe so. One gets that way when her children are suffering through things that she can't do anything about. The world moves on, choosing paper or plastic, while she carries the invisible weight around. It sits on her shoulders, peering over her head while she reads about possible future health issues. She sighs, pushes the heavy feelings down, and drags herself to visit the subconscious place found in sleep, where she tries to sort it all out. Today's struggles are the backdrop for the dream world, where feelings are rearranged and solutions are possible :)

Tomorrow is another day, and struggle or not, God is there on the winding path with me. I think I will avoid the medical sites until after next week.....