Joy in the Midst of 4 Year-Old Psychology

I have a love/ignore relationship with my kids when they are four years old. It is that time frame that they are budding with independence, are trying to figure out the world, and when their language is complex enough to really tell you about the profound thoughts in their mind.

I try very hard to ignore the negative energy that radiates from their little bodies as they: flop on the floor and wail in the middle of a funeral visitation; scream in my face how they detest my lasagna; or holler at me from three stories away that they need assistance on the toilet.

But, I savor every moment of tenderness and LOVE it when they: wrap their whole little body around me like a monkey for me to carry around the house; greet me under the covers in the cold wintry darkness, while I punch the snooze for 30 more minutes; and (MOST of all) present me with fabulous attempts at language-play and "deep thoughts."

Ben is at that age now, and here are some of his most recent pondering...

He jumped into my bed a month ago, caressed my face, smoothed away my hair, and lay there quietly. Then, as if out of the blue (the most random color of blue you've ever seen) he says,

"Mom, do fish have eyebrows?"
Me: "Um...hmmm, no. Well maybe they have a brow bone; but no, not an actual eyebrow."

All the while, in my sleepy haze, I'm doubting myself. Well, DO they have eyebrows? I asked myself. I scanned all of the fish images in my gray matter storage...let's see...eyebrows would indicate hair....and finally made a confident conclusion that "no, they don't" (whew...a sigh!).

Then Ben takes it to the next step, "Well why do WE have eyebrows?"

As he waited for the answer, I realized that the response must be logical and yet somewhat exciting....the typical reply of: "to keep stuff out of our eyes," is just boring. So, I decided to give him the full explanation on facial expression and non-verbal communication....in four year-old language, "So that people can see our feelings better!" (That is actually true, by the way :)

He was VERY happy with that answer and lay there for another 10 minutes monologuing the fact that fish don't have feelings, so they don't need eyebrows...(smile) what reasoning :)

Tonight, he jumps into my face as I type....
"Mom, can you come look at my...um....my whack...I mean my whacker...I mean....Mom can you come look at my Wacko Mode."

It is SO hard to keep a straight face..."Your wacko mode?" I ask innocently (I want to say, "You mean the wacko mode that you displayed this morning when it was time to leave the house!?")

His sweet reply,
"Yes, come watch me...you take Buzz and you WHACK him,

and he flies across the kitchen floor. Come, I'll show you!"

Oh, so THAT is the noise I keep hearing down there! He says this while grabbing my face and pulling it close to his, until our eyes are a half inch apart...undivided attention, you know?

"LOVE relationship" moment with my four year-old!

Jack's Eyes: On the Road to Answers, Literally

When I was little, I used to imagine that the Earth was like a game board and we were the little playing pieces. I would picture God with the board all spread out, towering over it and reaching down with huge hands---adding this, removing that, adding people, moving people, or removing them...maybe swirling the oceans with his finger, just for fun. Sometimes, I even imagined Him swiping away the naughty people, or creating terrible scenes to make things interesting.

I know that sounds somewhat irreverent, but I don't mean it that way. Of course, I know that God doesn't manipulate us, torture us, or "wreck havoc" on our lives just for fun. But as a child, I truly felt sometimes that I was a game piece...things happening in my life that I couldn't control, and my job was to just do my part and "play the game." There is something about that image of God hovering over my experiences that always gave me some kind of comfort, creating a child-like picture of how He knows everything that is happening, can see it all, and is actually in control of it all.

This is no game of chance or strategy, though...it is my life, and at this point it is full of events that are beyond my control. Events that remind me again that my role is to play my part. I'm starting to feel again like a little game piece floating from place to place on the board.

To stick with the metaphor, the wheel on the Life game has spun and we have landed on the "your child is ill" space. Or to be more specific, "your 7 year-old can't see, go straight to the doctor." The next space we landed on read, "your doctor is getting you nowhere, find another doctor." The next space indicated, "you find a good doctor and beg them to see your child, pay $$$ in bribery fees" (just kidding). Next, "doctor sees your child, prepare for a long journey to Detroit" The next space is where we are currently, "wait here..."

So, this is where we are, waiting. In real terms, this is what we know. Jack has had blurry vision in only one eye since Sept-ish. Our Opthamologist referred us to a Retina Specialist, who was baffled and really didn't "listen" and concluded..."come back to see me in a month"...I really don't like that response. In the end, we had to ditch him...his practice was horribly swamped and he didn't really specialize in pediatrics. Finally found an outstanding pediatric doc (who is also a Professor at UMKC) who squeezed us in for an appt (after much pleading and stating our case).

Results....doc was very attentive and concerned. He saw a cyst on the retina of the good eye, which is interesting, because that eye sees clearly. And they are still uncertain of the bad eye, because the vision in that eye fluctuates from very poor to okay. SO, shock of shock, the doc is sending us to Detroit to a Retina Center to see specialists there. They want to determine the etiology of the haze in the retina of the blurry eye and determine if the "cyst" needs to be removed from the retina of the good eye.

We travel to Detroit from Feb 8-12, with possible surgery on the 10th. Flying is out, because you can't fly after eye surgery and our schedule may fluctuate...must drive...ugh! I'm voting to rent a huge 4x4 tank-like thing, maybe a Hummer (Michigan in February!). Jack's vote..."We are renting a car? Alright! Let's get a Mustang!" Sweet boy, we aren't going for the muscle-car cool factor, but a tough beast that will get us there and back... :)

I keep trying to convince myself that this is probably no big deal, maybe they will find nothing---that's what you want, right? But, the rational part of my brain knows that Dr's. don't just send you 700 miles away for "nothing." There must be "something." And, I do hope that we come home with some answers.

Sorry for the delay in the info, family...I know you have been wanting more details. This is all we know for now...will keep you posted. Pray for answers, successful procedures (if needed) and that I will be a strong Mommy....this part of the game is not fun.

Will I Make It Home?

Time to get back to the routine...but will I ever get there?! My bags are packed, hung out at the beach for a bit, collected some white sand for the kids...tonight hanging with Aunt Sue, munching seafood dip and sipping wine, scouring the weather channel.

For the last day of my "vacation" I had a near freak out. Aunt Sue insisted on driving me over to Sanibel. The several bridges to get over there are surrounded by the Gulf....one to two miles of bridges! I REALLY dislike bridges....I mean really. Going over to the island, I felt somewhat okay...couldn't enjoy the beautiful view because my aunt kept gawking out and veering across the lanes. "breathe, breathe, don't imagine yourself splashing off into the blue abyss," I told myself..."anything in this car to bust out the window if we go over?" nope.

On the island, the driving tour was short...drove by a friend's house and decided to return to Ft. Myers. As we approached the bridge to go over the causeway, it started. Feeling nauseous, sweaty, my ears started ringing, space turning dark and closing in...uh oh, panic attack! Breathe, relax, nothing I can do, enjoy the view (hey, that rhymes). Then I thought, "If I pass out on the bridge, Aunt Sue will SURELY lose control of the car! Fight the fear!"

Well, we made it over and are safe...whew!

Paranoia overcome :)

Love the water, but only if I'm safely on the shore :) Now to get the plane landed and my car across the snowy state...can I afford property in Costa Rica? Serious.

To Search or Not?

I just found a new yahoo group called Chongqing Sibling Find, for families who have adopted from the area (Fuling included). Here parents post pics and details about their child in hopes of finding any siblings/twins who have also been adopted.

I first went to the site in response to a plea from an acquaintance to look at some pics to id a baby. I went directly to the group, wondering if it would be a pic of Lydia...excitement, nervous, then disappointment...it wasn't her. But now the door is open and I'm wondering if I should walk through it.

If I post pictures, what will happen? Does she have a sister out there? If we find a sibling, then what? I'm sure there are many dynamics that surface from that. Am I ready for that...being connected to another family forever?

I'll think about it for a few days...it really can't hurt I guess. My best chances of finding a sib is to post her medical issues...am I ready to expose all of that to strangers with her pics? Geez, always so much, but could reveal such tremendous things...it would be so fruitful for Lydia. Nothing about having a little girl from China is easy, so might as well make everything even more exciting :) Stay tuned!

Is This Florida?

Well, I should have known. My chance to get to Florida and they are experiencing record lows! Lows are in the 30's and highs in the 50's. The orange and strawberry crops are suffering along with me.

Because I'm not basking on the beach, my aunt is fretting over how to entertain me. She has missed her calling, I think. She should have been a tour guide or activity director! I have taken the ultimate driving tour of South Florida, which has included every boutique, views of every condo/hotel and every beachfront restaurant, monstrous mansions, and every palm tree :) I smile and bear the "go go going..." but really want to convince her that I am even more content bundling up to walk the beach or just sit and stare out at the ocean. She insists that I must see every inch.

Drove down to Naples yesterday. Alot of people like to gawk at houses the size of hotels (lived in by two persons, I'm sure), but I find it rather sad and wasteful. It is terrible that many people find their self-worth in how huge their house is or making sure that their yacht is bigger than the neighbor's. Also sad, is seeing women who have nothing better in life to do than meet at the club, "do lunch," or entertain on their boat. This is what I saw in Naples...I'm not impressed by that kind of thing. I sound harsh don't I? Hey, I love beautiful things (who doesn't) and I also love leisure; but, I also like my typical (read, not extravagent) life! I love to meet people that are so humble and charitable that you would NEVER know that they are absolute millionaires...they earn my admiration :)

Almost time to leave the ocean. It is the one place on Earth that takes my breath away and somehow speaks to my soul. It is so beautiful and fun, yet so vast and dangerous. In fact, I'm really not sure why I wasn't born in La Jolla or Newport Beach or someplace salty like that...it's not fair! I miss Cali!

Back to the family soon. I'm ready (I think). Starting to get anxious about all that I need to do, making it difficult to relax and enjoy. When that starts to happen, you know it's time to go home :) Be home soon to 5 degrees...hope my car starts at the airport...it's just not right :(((

Saltwater Therapy

Every mommy needs a break...but this mommy needs a serious dose of saltwater therapy in order to maintain sanity. In fact, a bit of white sand and palm trees doesn't hurt either. So, that is exactly where I am.

We are all missing my Uncle this holiday, as he passed away in November. My aunt is a determined woman, and is showing herself strong. I am so thankful to have the opportunity to go with her on the annual winter getaway to Florida. We have had such a wonderful time being together and as she says, "we both need to relax".

So, here I am spending the new year in Florida, with my dear aunt, who is more like a grandmother to me. Years of having babies and raising little ones has kept our time together infrequent. I'm so happy for the chance to help her adjust to her time here without my uncle and renew our relationship.

I find that we are very much alike! Sand lover, spunky, fun, determined, and independent. (I guess that can also read: bossy, hard-headed, busybody, and micro-manager :)) Aunt Sue has taught me much about fashion, classiness, etiquette, and poise ever since I was a little girl. I haven't always modeled her advice; but as it goes, now as an adult I can appreciate her influence in my life so much more.

It is wonderful spending time together and helping her set up the house for the season. We have had a great time doing absolutely nothing! Laughing, catching up, lounging on the beach, shopping for unique jewelry and bargains, painting our nails, talking over coffee and wine...it doesn't get any better than this :)

The funniest adventure so far has been our treasure hunting on the streets of the neighborhood before trash day---she always has an eye for great finds, especially items that other people think are un-useful, but are perfectly good with a little TLC and know-how.

Yesterday on our way to run errands, we spotted a beautiful (and heavy!) dark wooden wicker sofa sitting out for the garbage. I said, "Wow, that looks perfectly good!" Her response, "Well it does! Let's stop....." and then, "You know, we just have to get it!" Well, she has a huge old Lincoln (or something) and there was NO way it would fit in her car. But, with the house just around the block, she fetched the neighbor, he slid HALF of the long sofa into the trunk and pronounced, "No it won't work" my reply..."Start driving, I'll carry the other end" and I carried half of it home while he drove the other end in the car. We laughed the whole way! The things you do for people you love. Packing around kids for a living does have its benefits....it weighed a ton. I think that I lost some feeling in my ring fingers...I was never so happy to get around a block in my life. But, the whole time I was thinking that she just HAD to have this piece of junk, how we could make it look brand new, and thinking of the resourcefulness that I had learned from her :))

I miss my kiddos, but I've learned that in order for me to be a good Mommy I need to do things for myself (even if that means escaping for 10 days!). And, I'm learning that I can't let my life become so busy that I don't have time for relationships. Here's to improving both of these aspects, self-care and relationship-building, in 2010!

Happy New Year from Ft. Myers Beach!