Cakes

Sam is examining the cake cookbook again. He suddenly retrieved it from the shelf, plopped down in the puffy kitchen chair and began studying titles and recipes. He and Jack settled in to discuss the qualities and merit of various ingredients and different cake types and shapes. Cream fillings, ice cream layers, flavored frostings, loaf shapes, round, and tiered.

Nuts received a thumbs down. Jack says with disgust, "Yuck, nuts will ruin the cake!" Sam becomes the serious chef, "You just leave them out and it will be fine." Poppy seeds were analyzed by Jack, "Eeewww! Those look gross." Sam defends, "I love poppy seeds, they're kind of sweet" I didn't interject that the poppy seeds themselves weren't sweet, but they seem to find themselves in sweet things. Really what DOES a poppy seed contribute anyway? Texture and color, I guess. I find them annoying as they crunch between my teeth.

Then, as if they were voting on what to make, the conversation turned to "Who wants the Chocolate Irish Cream Cake?!" Sam raises his hand and yells "Me!" in answer to his own question. "Who wants the Chocolate Mocha Toffee Cake with Truffles on top?!" Again they all respond in unison, "MEEEE!!!" Then, "Mom what are truffles?" I decided to tell them about different flavored fudgey sphere shapes instead of exotic fungus.

I listened to all of this while loading the dishwasher, worried that the next utterance would be a request for baking a spectacular creation....I dreaded it, then felt guilty. Guilty that I don't have the energy or determination to take on something as relatively easy as baking a cake. And guilty that I tend to take the easy way out and offer a Popsicle from the freezer. But, that's what I did. They cheerfully replaced the shiny cookbook back on the shelf and scampered to the deep freeze. I let out a sigh of relief that a master confection was not requested, that my kitchen would stay clean a little longer, and that I wouldn't have to defend the sugar-mound to Jason....his health kick continues and every bite that goes in our mouths is scrutinized :) So, frozen pops on a stick it is (the "all fruit, low-sugar ones," just for the record).

Sweet cravings have been satisfied, but I know the boys would truly love to be presented with a four-tier, frosted, fruited, chocolated beauty. Maybe I will do it....but it requires planning....the type of chore that requires penciling in on the calendar and perhaps a trip to the spa afterwards? The internal struggle I face! Maybe they will be just as happy with a box of brownies? :)

Dealing with Awkward Adoption Comments

When we adopted Lydia, I knew that I should prepare myself for probing questions, strange comments, and unintentional insensitivity from others. I have mostly been unscathed by these thus far. Sometimes I just ignore; and a lot of the time, I use the situation as a way to educate people about adoption---the challenges, the joys, and living with a little one who has institutional effects.

Most people are interested in knowing more about international adoption, how we got Lydia, etc. I'll admit, it does get old telling her story to sometimes complete strangers or trying to find ways to describe the process of adopting a special needs baby without spilling out all of her private medical information. It is awkward

I still occasionally read the adoption chat groups and see an adoptive mommy's post about her most recent experience with a stranger's insensitive remarks. I usually read with interest and think how I would react, trying to generate some good-sounding comeback or decide whether they over-reacted. This time the experience was mine, and I'm not sure I was prepared.

Earlier this week I had one of my first major experiences with an unintentional social gaffe related to my daughter. I know that the woman's comment was just an attempt at making jovial conversation, but it jabbed my heart. Usually I would become angry at such a blab, but I know that things often fly out of my mouth without realizing how it sounds....and, so this time, no anger, it just made me sad.

The conversation emerged at a recent committee meeting (where unfortunately for my schedule, the conversation doesn't stay on the agenda). We were tossing about the news that one of our acquaintances had taken on a huge responsibility at the kids' school....I think it's great for her, others (who have merely 1-2 children each) were wondering if she could handle the added pressure. In defense of my friend who was being discussed, I said, "Oh, she'll do great! But, she does have four kids...that will be tough. I can relate." The unsuspecting offender across the table said, "And she even gave birth to all of them, so she's got one up on you!"

What?! Pregnancy and the birth process is totally irrelevant to the responsibility of parenting a person for a lifetime, in my opinion. I smiled, and tried to grace around that one so that I didn't attack the lady.

I don't even remember what I said after that. Something to the the effect of, "Oh, I guarantee that getting Lydia, caring for her, and loving her is just the same 'effort' and heart-ache as giving birth to her....perhaps even more so." I think I even blabbed something like, 'doesn't really matter whether the child came from my body, she's my daughter and requires the same struggle as any child...and I still have FOUR kids, no matter where they came from.' I blurred through the rest of the conversation, with a smile on my face, as if the gaffe had not affected me....I really sat there feeling sorry for myself, and for Lydia.

Shoving down the self-pity, the convo moved on to Lydia (due to curiosity from another momma) and suddenly five minutes later, the offender clasped her hand over her mouth and exclaimed "Oh! I'm SO sorry...I just realized what I said. I never meant to sound like that...." I was thankful that she realized the verbal faux pas on her own. "That's okay," I said (even though it wasn't). 'Toughen up,' I told myself, 'I'm sure it won't be the last time.'

I can take the insensitive remarks---I can ignore the reference that I'm not her birth mother. What worries me though, is what Lydia will have to deal with in the future. It's difficult enough for an adult to deal with/ignore those comments. Teaching a child how to respond and cope with the topic of her origin, is another.....thankfully, it is God, not us, who places people in families. He is the Maker and Creator of life. All is under His control, even family dynamics. It's tough to understand, but it is a comfort. He can take an impossible situation and make it wonderful :)

Jack's Imagination Goes Wrong

Today is one of those days that must be chronicled in the annals of my life. Maybe someday I will look back on it and laugh, but right now I am steaming and about to cry, wondering what is going to become of me as I deal with these kids. Just yesterday when I thought that I might be a good candidate for some anxiety-reducing medication, I never imagined that this day would be the icing on the proverbial cake, and that I need to call someone for counseling....

In about twenty years, talk around our Christmas dinner table will sound something like this:

Sam: "Hey Jack! Remember the time, when you were six (or was it seven?) and you called 911?"

Jack: "Oh yeah! I'll never forget that! That was SO funny! Man I was scared and Mom was
SO mad. Do you remember that mean police lady that came to the door and told Mom that she should watch us better and that she could cart me off to jail?!"

Sam: "Yeah, I was shaking too! I thought she was going to put you in the back of the police car! Remember Mom trying to apologize to her and the officer lady was such a witch to Mom and Mom told her it was 'over the edge' to threaten to take a 6 year-old to jail?"

Jack: "Oh yeah! I forgot Mom tried to tell her off (after she got done yelling at me). Hey, what was the big deal anyway? I don't remember why they came to the house."

Sam: "Don't you remember?! You called 911, hung up, then when the police dept called back
you asked 'who they were working for' and threatened to blow them up?! Remember, you were pretending like you were some kind of spy?"

Jack: "Oh yeah! I always liked to play spy. Remember that the dispatcher on the phone was
badgering Mom about who the kid was on the phone because they had my voice recorded and belittled her that she didn't even know what her kid was doing....and she freaked out on him yelling that she had four kids in the house and no idea which one of us made the prank call. Remember that? (ha ha ha ha) "

Sam: "Yeah and remember the dispatcher said that 'the kid's words and threat were too elaborate for a six year old' and Mom told him that her kids were more advanced than typical kids?"

Jack: "Oh yeah! HA HA....wow, that was something....boy was mom MAD!"


Well unfortunately folks, this is not the work of fiction----it just happened to me. I wish that I could say I just made that up. Hopefully, I'll look back on this and laugh?? I was standing in the foyer the entire time talking to a gutter/deck contractor...only 10 feet from the kids...when this all happened. The gutter guy and I chatted away while my son threatened to blow up whoever was on the other end of the phone...unfortunately it happened to be the police!

Overall, leave it to my most imaginative and ornery son to do this. He claims he truly did not know that he was talking to the police...he thought that a prankster had returned the call after his "911 hangup". He didn't know that the police call back after you hang up on 911 !!!

I was SO mad and about in tears. The police officers 1)treated me like an idiot, 2) insinuated that I am a neglectful parent, and 3) the witchy police woman totally overstepped her authority and her intent to frighten Jack by threatening to take him to jail! I really lost it then. I thought that it was great that they were really taking it seriously, but then totally overstepped in trying to teach him a lesson. Now he will never want to call 911 (even when he needs it) and he will have ingrained in his mind that police officers are jerks, unfriendly, and NOT here to help us. She could have gotten her message across in a better way and did some "clean up" at the end of her yelling....instead she ripped my front door open before I could even open it for her, she continued to yell at him and tell him lies for about 5 minutes, then without saying good-bye or 'closing it up' with me, she stormed off down my yard as I was trying to apologize and told me "watch your kids better." That's when I let loose and told her that her threat of jail was uncalled for. I can't believe I got in an argument with a police officer! She knew she was wrong, I could tell, but just told me I could file a complaint if I wanted.

Where are these jerks when the kids at the park down the street are smoking pot and bashing in our mailboxes at 11 p.m.? I guess answering pranks from 6 year-olds??? I can't believe my day has gone like this...I should be at the pool!

Needless to say, ALL of the kids were lectured and sent to bed. Lydia was oblivious, the boys were about to pee their pants, and shakily went down to ponder their fate and take a nap. I sat here shaking with anger---at Jack, and the way I was treated by the authorities.

Those anti-anxiety meds are looking better--will I survive? :) I'm going to take a nap....I'll make sure to lock the doors and take the phone of the hook---so that the next time it rings, it's not a call-back from the PD!

First Swim Meet

Summer water fun has officially begun in Oak Tree Farms with the first swim meet! It makes for a long and crazy night, but it is great. Lugging all of the our gear (toys for B & L, snacks, towels, goggles, chairs, etc) is a challenge. I typically toss Lydia in the stroller and then pack it down with all of the stuff on top of her and trudge to the pool :)

With two guys swimming now, we have to stay tuned in more carefully to the events or we miss them---in 30 seconds the race is finished. There are 60+ events and we are now watching about 12 events total; during the rest of the time, we are trying to keep people happy and fed, and little ones from running off or falling into the pool.

This year Lydia is a bit older of course and was able to "hang out" with her friend, Leila. Ben is an all-around complainer the whole time, unless he has a snack or novel toy.

Sam and Jack did great! Jack made it all the way across the pool in each event without touching the ropes once! He has a great back stroke (see video below).

Sam did well in the dreaded Individual Medley...it is super exhausting for him (but no tears or nail biting this year!). He has a really efficient butterfly stroke!

More swim news to come as we have a meet every week. This week is a home meet so it's easier to walk home if the little ones get antsy. Jason is either a timer or mans the grill and I supervise the kids...making sure the boys don't miss their events and the little ones are occupied. It is so much easier this year, now that L. is not a baby.

I'm SO thankful that we have such a great pool in our neighborhood---what a wonderful and fun way to learn how to swim! Stay tuned!

Lydia Has Learned To Sing !

I have figured out how to post video!!! We've got so many cameras around this place, but only one that can collect snippets of digital video. Quality isn't that great, but it's something!

Lydia's language is bursting...now she comes up with all kinds of creative sentences, typically 5-7 words in length :) Some of her most recent exclamations: "No I don't want to go bed Mommy" or "He need get off my bike!"

The past few nights, she has been able to string together most of the phrasing in her favorite songs. Ignore me in the background...she sings best on my lap and holding the camera out without knowing if she was in the frame was a trick :)

WHAT ?!

Okay, my two year-old is out of control. The situation just now went like this....

She just finished dinner an hour ago. As I sit here reading, she looked at me with sad puppy dog eyes and says rather sheepishly, "I need a snack mommy."

"No way," I said, "you just ate."

....and SHE says...."Yes way, Mommy!" and walked off, with the last word!

What??! Is she from "the valley" or something? I just gaped at her response and realized that I have a "mini-me" around here...oh boy! She is SO stinkin' cute, I can hardly take it; but, she is so strong-willed that she gives even ME a challenge :) Today at the store I was about to pinch her (under that part in your arm that is sensitive?) because she was screaming and howling at me about having to sit in the cart (her staccato voice was echoing throughout the entrance). I know everyone was staring at us....I had to bite my lip to keep from going loco. I kindly (sweetly) reminded her that her behavior was not pretty at all (she doesn't like that! always wants to be pretty) and moved on; but oh, how I hate being showed up by a preschooler in public!

Here are some pics of my strong-willed beauty. I love her to pieces, even though she reflects my worst qualities.

I continue to marvel at how beautiful she is....and I can say that, because I had NOTHING to do with it. It is only by God's grace that we have her and get to love her. The other day as I was swinging her, she was laughing so hard....that belly-laugh that just makes your heart sing....laughing at such a simple thing as swinging through the air. And I thought of her birth-parents; feeling sorry for them that they were missing her joy, and feeling guilty that I get to enjoy it. I think that I will have these feelings for the rest of my life.

Tree Climbing Doubts

Two toddlers asleep, two pre-schoolers and two grade schoolers in the fort---a Mommy/Aunt who needs a rest. I dragged my beach chair out into the yard, determining just the perfect angle to face some hot sunny rays (yes, I still have my 15 year-old beach chair....just couldn't part with it. "just in case," as I always say. And yes, I do realize that sitting in the sun is taboo these days). But, old beach chairs and sun are irresistible despite the reality of no ocean nearby and the cancer risks.

As I read the prologue of my new book, The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, I became distracted by the four hooligans darting around the yard. The younger ones as "the good guys" and the older ones "the evil bad guys." Sam and Jack climbed up into their favorite tree using the rope ladder that they created. Avery stared longingly up into the tree, sadly wishing she were brave enough to try the rope. The next bit of conversation made me smile:
Avery: "I wish my Daddy were here. Then he would get me up into the tree."
No one replied.
Avery: "Well, if Uncle Jason were here, then he could get me up into the tree."
Again, no reply from the boys. I watched covertly through my saucer-sized sunglasses, waiting for my cue.
Avery: "Well, how can I get up there?! If Mommy were here, she couldn't do it. Mommies can't do that."

Finally, Sam glances over at me lounging in my chair and pipes up:
"Moms can DO it, they just don't WANT to! Because they want to relax!"

LOL! How WISE for his nine years!

Finally, Avery felt that Aunt Teresa MIGHT be able to get her up into a branch; which I did; and in which she stayed in for about 3 minutes :) Back to the beach chair and my 2-inch thick book.....

Purple Summer

Calvin & Hobbes, June 26, 1995

Yea for frozen confections!