I always know that I shouldn't browse around the web for medical details; however, the vast knowledge out there is just so irresistible. I can't help it! Jack's eye problem has not miraculously vanished. We continue to put in 6 drops a day (with the help of our wonderful 1st grade teacher) and we fly to Detroit next week to have his surgery done (cryopexy, I believe). It is not better, I can tell. Just over the weekend, Sam was marveling at an Apache helicopter flying through the sky..."Wow, look at those guns Jack!" Jack.."where?! I don't see it!" Aww...it was right up there in plain view, but he just saw blue sky.
So, despite my best efforts to remain optimistic and avoid any unnecessary stress, I have been researching the pars planitis....as I suspected, the digging around has opened up a whole new world of strange ideas. I'm not really a "worrier" about this kind of stuff. I truly believe that "whatever is, is..." BUT I do like to be prepared for any freakishness, just in case the dreadful events in life, do in fact, happen to me. Here's a link that explains the most recent thinking on treatment for Jack's eye condition (if interested).
MERSI Ocular Immunology and Uveitis Foundation Medical Professionals Articles Case Reports
What continues to bother me, though is the frequent mention of systemic disease that is often associated with this eye condition. MS and sarcoidosis are the most common and those don't sound very nice for my 7 year old :(
Do I worry? Not really, I guess. I just get over-irritable about the petty things in life that other people present to me each day. When dealing with stressful moments in life like this, it makes trivial decisions such as "paper or plastic" so much more maddening! I want to grab the smiley girl by the collar and holler, "Who cares!? I'm just trying to keep my head on straight! Just put my food in a bag....any bag!" Or how about a student, who wants to debate a couple of missed points on a quiz...."Two points?! You must be kidding me...life is so much bigger than that!" I want to yell. But, I don't. In fact, I don't consciously think about these daily frustrations and my current struggles all too often. These thoughts are really in my subconscious all throughout the day, I guess...just floating around. And then it occasionally just bubbles up (after I search another Harvard Med School website, I suspect), and an innocent question from the grocery gal leaves me wanting to freak out!
Do I sound irritable? Maybe so. One gets that way when her children are suffering through things that she can't do anything about. The world moves on, choosing paper or plastic, while she carries the invisible weight around. It sits on her shoulders, peering over her head while she reads about possible future health issues. She sighs, pushes the heavy feelings down, and drags herself to visit the subconscious place found in sleep, where she tries to sort it all out. Today's struggles are the backdrop for the dream world, where feelings are rearranged and solutions are possible :)
Tomorrow is another day, and struggle or not, God is there on the winding path with me. I think I will avoid the medical sites until after next week.....
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