Today is my little girl's third birthday! What a simple statement, that holds such a powerful message for me. First, merely a couple of years ago I never imagined that I would even have a daughter. In fact, I had basically convinced myself that I was destined to be a boy-only Mommy forever. Many women are, and I was okay with it. But, something changed in my heart and I knew it was a space that only a little girl could fill....what a perfect plan that God had to give us our heart's desire, before we even knew what we wanted. Secondly, I find it amazing that already 3 years have passed since she was born in China...and so much has happened in that little life.
Lydia is still the non-stop whirlwind in my life; a spinning, giggling girlie that is full of happiness and spunk. Yes, I often wonder how I can make it through the day...with her continuing to explore everything, as if all of the world is nice and out to make her happy. Licking knives for example? I understand the curiosity and desire to snag a crumb of cake, but I don't understand the desire to risk your safety to do so...not so nice to slice your tongue!
Yesterday, however, as we prepared to run some errands together, we shared a peaceful moment (rare) that made me pause and just watch her and love her so much. I stood in front of the mirror, putting on a bit of make-up. She stood below me, just watching (rare again). She didn't touch anything, didn't try to open bottles and compacts. Just watched. "What's that Mommy?" with the opening of each item. "It's eye liner to make your eyes bright and pretty." She watched my hand motions intently as I swiped the pencil. She took in every movement and pondered the effects of each item. "For my eyes Mommy?" "Someday," I told her, "someday I'll show you how to put make-up on".
While she watched, my heart melted at the reminder of what a mommy is in a little girl's mind...and that I was that person to her....a little girl who once did not have a mommy at her side. My thoughts wandered to images of me smoothing her hair while we worked together to make her already beautiful face even more colorful and exotic....the thought warmed my heart. And for this brief quiet encounter, I had a living moment of what my little girl means to me...being able to pass on the qualities of being a woman and sharing love and togetherness along the way.
Then fear seized me for just a bit, as I thought that she will be learning these things from ME! Me, who has made so many mistakes. Me, who continues to falter. I'm not the right person to teach her all these things! How to put on make-up is one thing, but how to become a woman of integrity, humility, and outstanding character is another! And then, "oh no, what will become of her!" Lord help me, I'm not sure I can do this (as I replaced the lid on the mascara and tossed it down with a clatter)! She is too precious for me to have, I thought (even though her curiosity and sassy-ness terrorize me daily!) :)
Those negative thoughts were shattered though, by a sweet little voice, saying "You so pretty Mommy. I'm pretty too? I love you Mommy." The fear retreated as I was reminded of my purpose as a mommy...not to be perfect, but to be there....Ah-ha yes, now I get it....all of my faults and fears won't prevent her from blossoming into a woman with a beautiful heart. God has truly made her with a joyful temperament and inner beauty that I could never dream of creating in her....she is who she is... energetic, happy, whirlwind, and all! I know that He gave this particular little girl to us, because we are just crazy enough to handle her! And we then, receive the joy of watching GOD form her into a little lady.
Lydia is still the non-stop whirlwind in my life; a spinning, giggling girlie that is full of happiness and spunk. Yes, I often wonder how I can make it through the day...with her continuing to explore everything, as if all of the world is nice and out to make her happy. Licking knives for example? I understand the curiosity and desire to snag a crumb of cake, but I don't understand the desire to risk your safety to do so...not so nice to slice your tongue!
Yesterday, however, as we prepared to run some errands together, we shared a peaceful moment (rare) that made me pause and just watch her and love her so much. I stood in front of the mirror, putting on a bit of make-up. She stood below me, just watching (rare again). She didn't touch anything, didn't try to open bottles and compacts. Just watched. "What's that Mommy?" with the opening of each item. "It's eye liner to make your eyes bright and pretty." She watched my hand motions intently as I swiped the pencil. She took in every movement and pondered the effects of each item. "For my eyes Mommy?" "Someday," I told her, "someday I'll show you how to put make-up on".
While she watched, my heart melted at the reminder of what a mommy is in a little girl's mind...and that I was that person to her....a little girl who once did not have a mommy at her side. My thoughts wandered to images of me smoothing her hair while we worked together to make her already beautiful face even more colorful and exotic....the thought warmed my heart. And for this brief quiet encounter, I had a living moment of what my little girl means to me...being able to pass on the qualities of being a woman and sharing love and togetherness along the way.
Then fear seized me for just a bit, as I thought that she will be learning these things from ME! Me, who has made so many mistakes. Me, who continues to falter. I'm not the right person to teach her all these things! How to put on make-up is one thing, but how to become a woman of integrity, humility, and outstanding character is another! And then, "oh no, what will become of her!" Lord help me, I'm not sure I can do this (as I replaced the lid on the mascara and tossed it down with a clatter)! She is too precious for me to have, I thought (even though her curiosity and sassy-ness terrorize me daily!) :)
Those negative thoughts were shattered though, by a sweet little voice, saying "You so pretty Mommy. I'm pretty too? I love you Mommy." The fear retreated as I was reminded of my purpose as a mommy...not to be perfect, but to be there....Ah-ha yes, now I get it....all of my faults and fears won't prevent her from blossoming into a woman with a beautiful heart. God has truly made her with a joyful temperament and inner beauty that I could never dream of creating in her....she is who she is... energetic, happy, whirlwind, and all! I know that He gave this particular little girl to us, because we are just crazy enough to handle her! And we then, receive the joy of watching GOD form her into a little lady.
Most of all, I know that I need her just as much as she needs me....
Happy Birthday my lovely little girl. Looking forward to the day when we can "spa" and "make-up" together...but, as I told you...you are so beautiful already that I don't think you will ever even need to carry a lipstick! I hope you will always know how much we love you and that we hope you will keep joy in your heart....today and always.
Happy Birthday my lovely little girl. Looking forward to the day when we can "spa" and "make-up" together...but, as I told you...you are so beautiful already that I don't think you will ever even need to carry a lipstick! I hope you will always know how much we love you and that we hope you will keep joy in your heart....today and always.
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